RBF

RBF.

I have it.

My whole life I’ve been told to smile.

I smile,

When there’s reason to.

Otherwise, my natural inclination is less emotive.

One time, at summer camp, I did the equestrian camp.

Four of six classes out at the barn.

This* is how I learned I liked riding horses but not being around them—mucking stalls with a horse in it made me quite anxious.

A counselor took concern.

Why? I rarely smiled.

Looking back, I think, “Why would I be smiling. This is all a very serious endeavor.”

This has occurred often over the years.

I find a lot of things serious, focused, worth quietly taking in, not inherently smile inducing.

My husband caught me in this mode yesterday, taking in The Boston Public Library’s tea room.

When I realized, I smiled—a little.

♥️🔥✌🏻

*That was also the second of two times I’ve been bullied in my life.

The first? A girl in sixth grade with the locker above mine who would purposefully leave her locker open causing me to hit my head numerous times.

The second? Summer circa 2001–you don’t smell too good coming off long hours with horses and my campmates couldn’t not relentlessly comment on it.