Anxious

I’ve been anxious—a fretter—my whole life.

My first-grade teacher even called me out for it: “You’re going to go gray very early if you don’t stop worrying so much.” (She wasn’t wrong.)

Before I joined private practice, I managed my anxiety and perfectionism pretty well.

Time management, hyper-organization, and intentional solitude (hello, introverts) were my coping skills. They gave me a sense of control and autonomy.

But when I joined a firm in 2016, after a three-year clerkship, those tactics only took me so far.

I kept my head down, did the work, said yes to everything, and moved up the ranks. Still, my anxiety grew—until it became something I couldn’t handle on my own.

And here’s the part I wish I’d known sooner: I believed I was the only one struggling. The only one doubting. That self-created isolation only made things worse.

Eventually, I started to question: Was this system actually working for me? The answer was a resounding no. That realization was tough.

The time between knowing I needed a change and actually making one was filled with anxiety, doubt, and a real dip in confidence. I considered leaving the law altogether. I burned out.

I didn’t know, at first, that things could be different. I was scared—scared to be honest, scared to be vulnerable, scared to lose work or disappoint people.

Being a “good” associate, daughter, student, friend, and wife had gotten me pretty far. But it wasn’t enough to build a sustainable career or a fulfilling life.

Doing what you’re told and what you think is expected of you will help you get by, for a while. It’ll feel safe. But it won’t create a sustainable career for you.

Now, nearly ten years into private practice, I still deal (almost daily) with the repercussions of letting my stress and anxiety creep up and out of control.

Hindsight isn’t always our friend, but there are things I would have done differently as a new lawyer—and that I try to do now to overcome my struggles, doubts, and frets.

There are lots of reasons people burn out in this job. You do not have to be one of those people.

We can do this differently. We can do better for ourselves, our clients, our colleagues, and the profession.

If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. If you’re ready for a change, it’s possible. And if you’re leading others, your vulnerability and honesty might be the permission someone else needs.

♥️✌🏻🔥

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed here are solely my own and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Husch Blackwell LLP or any other organization. Examples are generalized and do not reflect current client matters or firm positions.